Silence is the place where the messages come. We have to go in earnest and reverence. We must be clear in our asking and even clearer in our hearing. When we are ready and present the message always comes…
Another birthday had arrived. This one I would hold close. All the others, in years past, had been shared, celebrated for others, or spent in mourning. I felt something deep within that told me I needed to go away and be with the Beloved that I longed for.
This longing had been with me as long as I could remember. My earliest memories as a child held a homesickness that I could not identify in words. I had spent years in contemplation and as close as my Beloved felt, there also seemed a vast distance. I wanted to know and feel and hear and see! I wanted not to only grasp with my mind but feel in every cell of my being…deep within my heart space.
In the mountains of The Quiet Place high in the mountains of North Carolina, I journeyed into a weekend of stillness, meditation and prayer. This was the greatest gift I could give myself. I could feel within my bones, that as much as I longed, my Beloved was calling…had been calling…but I had not felt ready…perhaps not even worthy.
I spent the early evening on Friday in prayer, standing amongst the trees as the cool crisp air whispered to me. The waterfalls that rushed below seemed excited to see me again and the snow remaining on the ground felt as if a white carpet had been laid down in honor of this special time. I sat for a while beneath the canopy of trees, head bowed, arms folded and heart open. I spoke silently in my mind…’God, I am here. I have come. You have called and I have come.’
The next day the sun shone brightly through the trees as it warmed the ground, melting the snow that lay all around.
I ventured to the other side of the mountain where I could sit again in my place high above the waterfalls. I could feel the fullness of my heart burst forth with emotion.
Dear God, I do not want to just know of you, I want to KNOW you. I do not want to hear about you, I want to HEAR you. I do not want to just see your beauty, I want to SEE you clearly in everything. I do not desire to just feel your essence around me, I desire to FEEL you surging in as and through me so palpably that I cannot deny it. I sat in stillness just waiting…waiting…waiting…
Then as much of the day passed, I heard, ‘It is not I who have kept myself from you. You keep yourself from ME. With your veils of illusion, beliefs of separateness, thoughts of judgment, the need to be right, violence against self, actions of control, and self created veils. I am waiting in openness of heart and mind, full of unconditional love, without judgment, for YOU are ME. YOU ALL are ME…not just in theory, in reality. every word you speak, every action you make, every step you take is ME working through you. The only power you have is the ability to limit the degree and strength you allow ME to come through. Share this with others that all may know I reside fully and completely within them.’ It was in that moment I realized what we all do.
In the grievances we hold, the doubts, weaknesses and insecurities we invest in…the material objects we clamor for, we keep ourselves from opening to the Source. It is we who think HE sits high on a mountain top or creates our pain and our miracles. It is HE whom we believe is there to be prayed to when we are in need…sitting so powerfully away from us. Yet many do state that God lives within but it seems only to be known in mind because our actions and steps are not from the knowledge of the power that resides and works through us.
What is to be done to know the FORCE that speaks through us, moves through us, walks through us, heals through us…? WE must let go our grievances of one and all, remove the clouds of doubt and insecurity, take down the walls of judgment, anger and resentment. We must lift the veils that exist within our own minds so that we see clearly because WE are the ones who placed the veils there.
I returned to my cabin to do the work. I went back through all time, combing through every experience I had ever had making certain no grievance remained.
I had to clean the attic of my mind of any cobwebbed thoughts and beliefs that lay dormant, hidden in the shadows or boxed up in the corner long forgotten. As I did so, I felt the release of energies that had felt heavy. I was lightening up as I lifted the clouds of burden I had not even realized were there. My soul’s journey had nothing to do with anyone else but me. The courtship and unity with my Beloved was my own responsibility.
I worked and prayed through the night and went to the base of the waterfall the next morning.
A golden haired dog boounded toward me, wagging his tail. I looked at him . I silently spoke in my mind, ‘Hello, God, you have shown up today as this beautiful creature to tell me what?’
He looked deeply into my eyes and then dove into the water, rooting around the bottom with his nose. Up he came with a stone in his mouth. He once again looked at me. I could see the deep unconditional love come from his eyes. Rock Dog came and placed the stone at my feet. I was in silence but chose to pick up the stone and throw it a distance. Rock dog bounded after it and returned with it in his mouth. He again placed it on my feet.
I ignored it this time so he picked it up and placed it on my leg…I still tried to ignore it, so he rolled it into my lap. I picked up the rock and threw it again. and he returned. I picked it up and threw it and this time, rock dog did not see where it landed. He looked all around. Unable to find it, he went back to the water and searched until he found another stone. Again he brought it back and sat in front of me, looking into my eyes this time.
And I heard, ‘I always come bearing gifts. They are neverending in my vast stream. It does not matter how you throw them away or how far, I will continually return with more gifts. It is for you to accept them but I will never stop coming to you. My love is unconditional and ever loyal.’
Will you let your own arrogance tell you that you have done the inner work? Will you let your ego tell yo that you are justified in your thinking and that what others did they brought upon themselves? Will you walk on through life believing that you are fine and that you live as you are supposed to? It is your responsibility to make your journey’s way. You can either ‘be longing’ for the Beloved or you can Belong to the Beloved.
Are you keeping yourself from your Beloved? Are you taking the time to be still and find the essence of your true self? Do you allow the gifts that show up in your life? Are you available to accept the unconditional love sitting and waiting at your feet? Know the truth of who you are…know the truth of who walks, talks, moves and creates through YOU. Be still and know… I AM that I AM.
Warmest Loving Wishes,
Simran Singh, http://1111mag.com/