Expectancy…How does the word register with you? Do you seem to always get what you expect? Does the opposite of what you say you want seem to show up? Are your words expressing one desire as your mind quietly whispers something else to you?
I had an interesting conversation with a gentleman that stayed with us for a couple of days. He had been married to the same woman for twenty years. They were now divorced and had been apart for the last four. During his discussion, he stated his apprehension and fear of dating. He proclaimed a knowledge of never finding anyone. In addition, everyone he does go out with ends up being inappropriate, unavailable emotionally, or non-committal. The last three dates had been disasters and he expected the rest to always be that way. He ended his dialogue with a resounding sigh, deep with resignation, “I guess I am alright just being alone, probably better off anyway.”
I asked him what happened to his prior relationship. He said that he kept trying to ‘know her’. The more he tried to know who his wife was, the more he felt as if he did not. Their distance grew and finally whatever love was there was not enough because he felt married to a stranger. They parted amicably, mutually agreeing it was for the best.
My next question to him was, “Did you know yourself? Did you know who you were within the relationship?”
His eyes had been cast downward much of the time he spoke. However, he looked up at me, squarely in the eyes. “You know I have spent the last four years trying to figure out who I am. No, I did not know who I was the twenty years I was married. I was so involved in work, the rat race of social networking, peer involvement, and just trying to be married that I was a hamster on a wheel. How could I have possibly figured out who she was because the perspective I was coming from was a lost soul in itself.”
So many times what we are trying to figure out about ‘the other person’ is exactly what we most need to focus upon within ourselves. Relationships with spouses, significant others, family, and close friends are merely examples to us of what needs to be addressed. The things about those people that trigger you, get under your skin, sit on your last nerve, and irritate the mess out of you are the lessons you most need to uncover about yourself. We attract ‘Mirrors’ into our lives for the purposes of growth, expansion and healing. In addition, they attract us for their own learning, which may be altogether different.
I asked another question, “What are you so afraid of now?”
It was apparent that his fear was adorned upon him like a winter coat. The look in his eyes spoke of a man afraid to live…afraid to take a chance…afraid that he was not worthy of what he wanted in life. It is a look that we all wear in regard to something that seems so far reaching and unattainable. “What if I get into another relationship and waste another twenty years. How do I know that I will find someone that can cherish me? I am really not asking for too much.”
We, human beings, are such incredibly beautiful, magnificent creatures and yet so unaware of how we sabotage ourselves. I smiled at him, “Do you hear what you are expecting to get? It is very evident in your words, your thoughts, and your fears. You are stating that you are willing to accept ‘not too much’. You are expecting to find ‘faulty’ partners.So, you are attracting exactly that. The dates you have had are examples of it. You can only be aware of what falls within your expectation. When you do this, you completely overlook what might be sitting right next to you that is ‘perfect’.”
When the consciousness of what we are experiencing and expecting is so focused on what we do not want or are afraid of, it is almost as if that is all we can identify. Visually, even if we could become aware of the highest and best good for ourselves, we would allow the ego to say, “I am not worthy of that.” Rather than focusing on what you do not want and what you fear, visualize and proclaim what you do desire so that you can recognize it. Everything in life requires a certain amount of practice and skill. Learning to expect the best for yourself is no different. When you are looking for a diamond you will find inevitably find one. However, if in the search for a diamond, you expect to see nothing but rocks, then rocks will come into focus and the diamond will be passed by.
Why is it that some people always seem to get the lucky break? There are individuals that must have a lucky rabbit’s foot or guardian angel. Things just always work out for certain people, right? What is it that they have that you might not? They expect to get what they want and they want the best.
You deserve the best of everything. You have the right to what you desire. The purpose of dreaming is to simply show you what is possible if you let yourself have it. Get out of your own way! Let the impossible now become possible!
Until the next…Fashion Emergency!!!